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Reluctantly Yours (ep)

by Jessica Smucker

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1.
Same Time Every Year 02:53
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It’s been a long time since September I think it’s never coming back the final breath before it’s time to say goodbye the way we look when everything’s about to change I’ve been filling my pockets with sand trying to find a way to hold onto your hand from far away The moment of decision has come and gone I think I’ll stay right here. Sometimes you get too tired for moving on I was restless in September I was never coming back The heat was sweltering, the sunset smelled like sweat The leaves, they danced for their reward like Salome Catch me if you can, I’m on my way, I said The seasons change and I can’t stay here anymore Am I led by love or chased by sin How will I know which heart to heed when I know that I can’t win? Do you think of me in September? Do you think I’m never coming back? Do you hold your breath when the harvest comes around? Do you cry each time the sunset smears the sky? I was flying with the birds, into the wind migrating south but I could not keep the pace ‘cause we pack up our belongings at the same time every year-- that little nudge of autumn when the leaves make up their minds
2.
Sweet & Broken 05:13
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Summer is hot but the water is cold You swim up to me, hold out your shriveled up hands and say, “I think we’re getting old” I’m trying to laugh but you’re drifting away You’re saying, “Cheer up, Angel Face, nobody’s dying today” There was a time when you were a snowman melting in the yard before my eyes the grip of your hands to the wisp of a man evaporated, drifting out of time I want to be like the edges of the sea fold your sweet and broken body into me There's a statue of a lady poised above her grave It says she fell down a crooked staircase on her wedding day I pass her in the crowded cemetery on my way to the bar where I'm going to drink away another day I want to be like the edges of the sea fold your sweet and broken body into me I walk around this little city. It's a trap these days. Everybody wants to leave but everybody stays. I hold my hand out to touch the cool breeze crunch the leaves beneath my shoe anything to feel alive now that I've lost you I want to be like the edges of the sea fold your sweet and broken body into me I want to be like the edges of the sea fold your sweet and broken body into me Autumn was sweat and winter was blood We thought that we could make it to the spring
3.
No One But Myself 02:41
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Everybody wants a piece of me and you know me, I try to oblige but listen up, the party’s over now. I’m not giving in this time. What started as a yes became a hard, resounding no I stood up to those fools and told them all where they can go I thought I could be everything to everybody else but now I know there ain’t no pleasing no one but myself Being nice won’t get a girl anywhere but it’s always been my way If you come back later you might wear me down but it’s not happening today What started as a yes became a hard, resounding no I stood up to those fools and told them all where they can go I thought I could be everything to everybody else but now I know there ain’t no pleasing no one but myself No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… What started as a yes became a hard, resounding no I stood up to those fools and told them all where they can go I thought I could be everything to everybody else but now I know there ain’t no pleasing no one but myself Yeah, now I know there ain’t no pleasing no one but myself
4.
Reluctantly Yours 04:15
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Love is the price we pay for our sins The game isn’t fun to play and nobody wins Someone gets bored, and everybody body gets scared The jury is rising, the verdict’s in. It’s why the hell should we care? If all the signs are saying run like hell then what are you still doing standing there? I’m not a woman, I’m a warning bell a doomsday siren blowing through the air This isn’t real love. It’s only a dare Fumbling my way to you to see if I can have an ordinary love affair If I can love you I might live again It’s simple way of challenging the odds But hold on, let me catch my breath again ‘cause I can’t outrun the vengeance of the gods Miracles can happen, sure but you’re not dumb You’re not on your hands and knees You’re putting on your coat and getting ready to run Well, don’t be alarmed but I’m blocking the door I’m cynical and sad but still reluctantly yours Every time I put my hands on you it’s like I’m lost and running in the rain but if I never find my way again well, I’d have to be a fool to complain
5.
Tumbleweeds 04:47
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On the way to Arizona with a suitcase full of nothing lucid stories, tentative lies I hope you don't mind that's all I've got to offer From the cockpit, the pilot's smooth voice A shot of vodka from the waitress's tray Hope is beyond me, the world's below me From my seat I'm mapping out the landscape The world is checkered fields and solid, curving lines The snowy mountains are sublime I'm glad to live and bleed and sing most of the time but if this plane would crash I probably wouldn't mind You love me best when I'm on a mission Can you believe in my bad decisions? Everyone's grown up and moved away but I'm still sitting in my little room begging you to play with me We climb the rocks until we're ten thousand feet tall move with the panoramic scene In Arizona there's no safety net at all and only canyon's mouths will catch you when you fall This story's fading We're going extinct We've got a few good years I could survive if I'd stop caring what you think but you are everpresent as the tumbleweeds blowing all around me On the way home from Arizona I close my eyes and try to sleep

credits

released March 6, 2010

All songs written by Jessica Smucker
Copyright 2010

Produced, recorded, and engineered by Jason Mundok
Mastered by Michele Mercure

Cover illustration and layout by Keith Lehman

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Jessica Smucker Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Jessica has performed all over the Eastern U.S. and has won several national songwriting contests including the Connecticut Folk Festival and SolarFest. She has opened for notable acts like Cheryl Wheeler and Bill Staines, and shared festival stages with Patty Larkin, Dar Williams and Antje Duvekot. Her third full-length album, Lucid Stories, Tentative Lies, is due out in September 2020. ... more

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